Today wasn't the best day. I went to the Dr. only to find out all my effort for trying to eat...actually they are pretty poor but oh how I've tried AND to drink enough liquid in a day to protect the kidneys...I failed. My kidney function is bad again. I had also lost 2 lbs. What has tasted good has been corn on the cob,, tomatoes. I still can't eat meat. It's like my digestive tract is learning how to receive food again. Not many calories in corn and tomatoes. I have come to the conclusion that trying to gain weight is as hard as trying to lose weight.
I received a fluids at the office and then they set me up to run a liter in each day if I need to at home.. Well, good and all to protect those kidneys but it dawned on me as long as I get fluids at home by IV I have to keep my central line in...which means I absolutely can't go to Cache Valley.
Patience....but oh how sad I was. I am so homesick. Well after I had a good cry and I decided I would be pretty worthless at home right now anyway . I received a call and a visit from sweet cousin who made me a wonderful smoothie and cheerful conversation. I share this because so many of you are so kind and say how strong I am and how cheerful...I struggle alot too. But I know and acknowledge my many blessings...
Later as I thought about my pity party I tried to think again...what am I to learn from this experience. I thought of the wonderful, dear people who have chronic disease and conditions. I have only been sick 8 months and I got discouraged...what about those who have had problem after problem or one chronic condition. I see and feel much differently and hopefully will be able to be a better person because of each of this challenges.
An Ahhhh Ha moment.
Oh Brother Gill I was a casualty again and not a thriver in how I was dealing with my challenge. I want to be a thriver..
One cute happy moment today...the BMT physician assistant who saw me today asked if yellow was my favorite color. I happened to have a yellow top and yellow beanie on. He then mentioned all the yellow papers around my hospital room door. He said when he sees me he thinks of yellow.
When someone gave me exceptional care I would make a star and put their name on the sticky and then I would write what wonderful characteristics they had. I also had each caregiver from housekeeper, food services , nurses and even Drs write their name in my caregiver book. I asked they write where they were from and a little about them. This was so fun to see where everyone came from but it was as if they were all my friends. It was fun to see people look at the stars to see if their name was there and what it said. I am glad the PA thinks yellow when he sees me. My favorite color is red but yellow makes me happy.
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