Thoughts of gratitude

Today I was able to attend Sacrament meeting at church with Dave and Jeff. What a wonderful feeling. It was nice to see so many friends who have supported me and continue to love and support me.

I was thinking today how I felt just about as good as I did a year ago. A year ago I was suffering with severe back pain and fatigue. I didn't realize at the time I had a couple of compression fractures of the spine and was ill with amyloidosis. I hosted my siblings and their families for Thanksgiving. I remember not feeling well, but loved having all the family here.

Well, here I am a year later with ALOT of water under the bridge, so to say. Or alot of life along a very interesting difficult journey. But I'm here! I found out by xray last week that I now have 8 compression fractures of my back. No wonder I am shorter. I am finally having less pain and see that my strength and endurance is slowly coming back. Now we just hope the brain does. Chemo brain is real. I will say words that just don't fit in a sentence, or pause trying to think of simple words. My short term memory is terrible. So if I tell any of you something more than once, please forgive me. I really don't remember telling things sometimes.

I look at life very differently. I don't have to be constantly busy. Having to sit around and recover has given me the opportunity to look and enjoy the small things in life.

Next to my testimony, my family is most precious. They always have been, but it is even deeper, now that they have served me and cared for me. I love and appreciate them so much.

I look at people in a different way. I have found, that as you look at someone, you can actually "look with your heart" and sense or be guided in the fact that there is something you can do for them. It might be simply take time to visit. I have always loved people which is why I went into nursing. With the whole nursing kind of up in the air as to whether I will be able to do that again or not; I am finding a new purpose in life that still involves people. Heavenly Father wants us to look out for each other. To help bear one another's burdens. Boy have I seen this first hand as others have helped me. I have so much to pay forward. Every day I hum "have I done any good in the world today" . It might just be a phone call, a card or a visit or a smile at the store. Actually all they can see is my eyes, but they can definitely smile. There is so much sadness, stress and challenges in life. It gives me such a good feeling to try and do something each day to try and brighten some person's day . I have learned so much from people serving me.

I have such gratitude that my heart is full. I am so grateful I can now have some degree of independence back. I drive to the post office and maybe once a week to Logan for short runs. I have a fair appetite which is a huge improvement. I am not in constant pain. Hurt is better than pain.
I have a knowledge that God knows us personally. He answers our prayers. We just need to listen and be willing to accept His will and His time table. He loves us so very much and is there. All we have to do is turn to Him. We are never alone. Never.

Life is different but life is good. I am happy.