One year ago this week, I was in LDS hospital. I was bald, barely over 100 pounds. My heart was having a hard time staying in a normal rhythm and my kidneys had gone to sleep and quit working. It was a pretty stressful time for my family. It's interesting because I was so medicated, toxic in fact, because the kidneys weren't working. My memories include horrible nightmares which I remember with clarity to this day. But I also remember the tender mercies of the Lord. His allowing angels to attend me for several nights. I also had my children at my bedside. Interesting enough, this is such a pleasant, happy memory; even though I was so very sick.
I remember dreading the physical therapist coming in to try and get me out of bed. I had to relearn to walk and I was still in terrible pain with my back. All of the staff were so patient but persistent with me.
Now a year later, just looking at me you see so very many blessings. I have a wonderful head of hair. Better than it was before my chemo and stem cell transplant. I don't have terrible back pain. It gets tired and hurts if I do certain things but nothing like a year ago. I am fat and happy again. My taste buds work. My heart and kidneys have had some improvement which is surprising to the BMT folks.
In September I will have more blood tests done to check on the activity of the disease. I'm thinking they will all come back great, but even if they don't I am still a walking miracle. I have had another year. I have enjoyed such happy times with my family and my little granddaughter Ellie. Life is good. I am at peace. I have a stronger testimony of the great love our Savior and Heavenly Father has for us. I know that He is very aware of each one of us and of our struggles and fears. He carries us along when we can't do it any longer on our own. I literally felt Him do that for me.
I have the intense desire to be good and to try and help others. I have no ill feelings towards anyone. I am enjoying every single day as a gift, realizing that life can be cut short. I am trying to avoid getting caught up in the "distractions' of life that can affect our perspectives. I am trying to focus on what will matter eternally, not the pressing matters of the day.
I have been blessed to have continued troubles that have kept me disabled. We have health insurance coverage at affordable rates because of this. I think somedays I would rather just feel competely great, but then I look at the blessings of continued challenges.
I am so grateful for parents who taught me to look at life optimistically. My Dad had the most positive attitude of anyone I have ever met. My Mother was the most service oriented person. I only got 19 years with her but she made a lifetime impression on my life. I am so very grateful that I was able to have them near me, supporting me during my tough time last year. Love transcends the veil.
I am not sure what this next year will bring. I know it will involve surgery. I think of what Nephi said, "I will go and do....." I know the Lord will be by my side each and every day. With His help I can do whatever I have to. My life is in His hands. I am just so very grateful to be alive.
This past year has been a blessing in my and my family's lives. We have learned to rely more on the Lord and we have grown closer. Yes, what a difference a year makes!
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